A Sad Update

It has been an extremely rough few months. At the end of October we found out we had a miscarriage. It was so terrible, by far the worst thing we have ever gone through and something we would never wish on anyone. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my baby, that I don’t replay everything and try to figure out what could have went wrong. All the doctors tell me that it is not my fault. As much as I want to believe them, I still can’t stop blaming myself.
I get so sad when I read facebook statuses about being pregnant. I know we are supposed to be excited for them, and that I am, but it also brings back the memory of what I had, and of what I lost. I have had people come up to me and tell me that I’m lucky that I was so early in my pregnancy. I guess unless you experience it, you never really understand. I was so attached to that baby already. Whether you are a few days pregnant, or a few months pregnant, you love them just them same. That baby I had inside me, it was a baby, and it was OUR baby.
Every day I cherish Bryell more and more. I truly know now how much of a miracle she was. I know that God planned for us to have her in our life. Whenever I begin to feel sad, I go to her and give her a great big hug. I am so blessed to have her with me in this life and I know God is so blessed to have our other baby with him to love, hold, and take care of.

"Daddy please don't look so sad, Mama please don't cry. Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies. Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind. Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind. You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above. I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love. I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night. Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light. You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane. That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain. When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows. Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose. When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug, Don't be sad Mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug. So Daddy don't looks so sad and Mama please don't cry. I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!"----- I still wonder who you be today. Would you have look like your Father or would you look like me? Even though I never got a chance to hold you or kiss you, I still love you to this day!!